blog 2021

Haha hey hey hey! It's Brodie here for what seems to be my annual blog post.

I wanted to start off by asking – I hope you are okay? I'm currently in Dublin, Ireland, and I'm sure that like many of you across the globe, you are back in another lockdown too. Sending thoughts to everyone who has been affected – no one has been left untouched by this virus or it's ramifications, but we will get through this. 

On a side note, but an important one... Some of us are having a far tougher time than others, and it’s paramount we educate ourselves about injustices happening close to home and further afield. We need to not only acknowledge inequality but listen to, support and advocate for others who may not have the same privileges we have. I recognise the privilege of my white skin, my safe home, my job, good health and socio economic background  – and you should too, so we can stand united and fight alongside those who don’t have the privilege of being heard quite as loudly, until they do. I’m not meaning we should build an army of white saviors (please no, that’s the worst possible outcome), but it’s important to reflect, learn and act – it’s a constant journey of learning, but the sooner we tune into our privilege and strive for non-discrimination, the better. 

Don’t wish away your time

People are saying they want to write off 2020, but as the saying goes, “don't wish away your time”. And as things are going, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but 2021 has started off even worse than how we started 2020. With the start of a new year comes a new opportunity to reflect and after reading over my journal entries from the last year, it’s evident I’ve never had such a loss of control of my external environment. I’ve been wandering down a narrowing path that’s had me ruling my days with unsustainable checklists and overgrowing to-do lists. I’ve been finding myself controlling aspects of my life that would have previously been left ‘unchecked’ and ‘un-pruned’. The beauty of reflection (and, it’s important to add, not dwelling on the negative) has allowed me to realise that before I get to a point in my path where I’m stuck and can’t turn around, I can right my wrongs, and I’ve found solace in a new-found sense of contentment. My wrongs haven’t been intentional wrongs... They are the kind of wrongs, for example, when you're over attentive with a plant and prune it too much, or water it way too much, or don’t give it enough sunshine, fresh air and deny it the opportunity of having a chance to grow. If I overly control the environment of my plants, they don’t flourish – same goes for my wellbeing. Initially, it’s the outer edges of my thoughts that begin to darken and warp, then next thing, I feel completely overwhelmed and consumed by darkness and negativity. 

When it comes to looking after my wellbeing, I’ve realised I need to find a sustainable way, without over-pressuring myself to do 1000 things to keep the big sadness at bay, because in doing so, I’ve welcomed it with wide open arms… Unbeknownst to myself until recently. I’m not drinking at the moment and it's given my thoughts far more clarity and I’ve realised instead of ruling my days by lists, I’m going with what feels right. I was setting myself up for failure with not being able to tick everything off. If I don’t meditate everyday, miss a few glasses of water or skip my yoga session, it’s actually fine. I’ve turned my focus to feeling and listening to what my mind and body are asking for, as opposed to forcing myself to do what I think I should be doing to feel ok. 

Missing the wildness and wickedness

I’m sure we all have things we miss more than others. Of course, I miss the charity shops! But I've been able to discover pre-loved clothing on Depop, and Facebook Marketplace for other bits and bobs (like rehoming houseplants). I’ve really developed an appreciation for caring for my li’l green pals – well I try my best anyway (hahaha)... There is an expanding houseplant graveyard in our backyard below the disused barbeque. I’m like a helicopter plant carer, hovering closeby with the constant threat of over-watering. Death by caring too much!

When it comes to gaps in my life, being the extrovert that I am, I miss the buzzing energy of moving with the swarm of a large crowd. The thrilling atmosphere of busy bodies close to one another, the type of spontaneous excitement that fills your step with a bounce – especially on a Saturday with a night of endless possibilities ahead. I love to not only engage with people, but observe them too, and wonder what entanglement of social engagements they're mapping between. However, now there’s not a lot of variation to my imagination when I see a stranger, as most people are spending their evenings and weekends at home. As much as I miss the wildness and wickedness of pre-covid life, I’ve developed an understanding of the toll being everywhere at once and doing everything at once had on doing the things I truly love. For me, it's been art, reading for enjoyment, letter writing and finding any excuse I can to explore my neighborhood and go to the beach. 

The importance of reflection

I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have my privileges of health, a job, a safe home and (at the moment) a stable mind, but as a lot of you know, a lockdown can do strange things to your emotions and one day can differ very much to the next. I began writing this post amidst riding a high, but as I'm pulling my paragraphs together, I'm embarking on a bit of a lull. But as I mentioned above, don't wish away your time, and as I constantly remind myself, shit days are what add the cherry on top of the good days. 

I'm definitely no expert in the realms of mental wellbeing, but I'm an avid journaler and the insights I get to my own reflections always allow me to develop and flourish. I'm grateful for my career beginnings in teaching, as the process of reflection writing is so ingrained in practice. When something went well or not so well in a lesson, I'd reflect on what I did and how the environment responded, and how I responded to the environment. It’s a very common practice and not only for beginning teachers. Every lesson is different, every interaction is different, every moment is different – and through reflecting, we can understand that our actions impact the outcome of a situation and there’s ALWAYS something to learn. My key takeaway from teaching was to be a lifelong learner. We’re not on some freeride where things just happen to us, even though sometimes they do, but jump on that ride, gain some control and 180 towards those things you’ve always wanted to do. Now. 

We're all in the same boat, too tired to do anything, tired of doing nothing. But that’s ok. Be nice, kind and caring, to others and most importantly yourself! Do something nice for someone else, do something nice for yourself, write them a card, write yourself a card. Nice things always have a way of coming back to bite you in the butt, in a good way (like finding 20 bucks in your jacket pocket)! Keep it easy on the list writing and houseplant watering – you got this!

Remember, sometimes less is more.

x Brodie

Special shout out to my lovely London editor, Emma Monk. Thank you!

Pictured here in a dress that belonged to my grandmother Anne ❤️

Image credit: @kritisharmaz

MUA: @emmamahonyfreelance